Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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