nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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