The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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