If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The air taste purple.
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