I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
