I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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