wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
