She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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