just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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