No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
