I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
