K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
