No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
