Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
