Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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