My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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