I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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