Kareoke will never be a sober sport
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
