i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your cock deserves a montage
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
