Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
