The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
