u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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