I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
