I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize