I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
