I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
