I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
