Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
