If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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