we have officially lost it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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