Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
