I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
