she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did i walk over a car last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
