i would punch a child for taco bell
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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