can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
