i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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