so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
