I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you have feelings for this penis?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
