i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
