Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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