shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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