Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
