that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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