i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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