watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
