I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
