laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
