Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
