i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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