god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
