he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
