a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
