Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
