thus making me awesome and them whores
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
