you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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