I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
