There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He felt like a one man threesome
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
