Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
