He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
