She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
